I once had a friend. Well I thought he was my true friend and because of that I trusted his opinions more than I ever trusted myself. I was sharing with him my children’s story while I was writing it and he was very helpful and encouraging – like friends usually are. My sister loved what I wrote, but she is my family – it’s in her job description to love and support me. I trusted my friend’s opinion because I thought he didn’t have any family based engagement with me, so why would he not be honest? When I finished my last chapter and shared it with him asking if he thinks it could be published now, everything changed. Suddenly he didn’t think its good enough, and because he knew my weaknesses he took out the heavy machinery in describing my novel. He flattened me and my writing and didn’t even blink while doing that. I was devastated and didn’t write another word since then. Even my blog become abandoned and forgotten – and I love writing. I didn’t care before if I was good enough, I just did it and enjoyed the process. He successfully killed that joy for a very long time. Is that what friends do? I have my doubts now. I know English is not my first language and I still have a huge place for improvement, but I always thought that as long as I had something to share and as long as others wanted to read it, it doesn’t really matter if a small mistake will creep in here or there. I was devastated, then depressed, then devastated some more. A year went by, and I was still there, it this place of hurt and disconnection from my love of writing and expressing myself in this way. Why am I writing all of this? I’m writing about this because I had this wonderful discussion with my Reiki students after reading this insightful quotation.
There is only one success – to be able to live life in your own way (Christopher Morley)
I thought very deeply what these words mean for me. It is so difficult to live life in our own way nowadays; when the foundation of society is based on social media and photographs that have no connection to our own truth. When friendship is counted in “likes” on FB, and Instagram became our platform for living. What is our own truth? How do we know how to find it? How do we recognise our inner voice? To do that, we have to stop for a minute. And this is exactly what I did. I stood still, breathed deeply, and asked myself who am I? Where am I in this messy and wonderful world? What do I want my life to be? What is important to me in this moment in time? It is so difficult and the answer is sometimes not the one you would like to hear. But it is so very important to ask those questions, find the answers and stick by them, no matter what other people are saying. The important thing is to find yourself and respect and appreciate your findings. It means staying authentic to oneself. It is so easy to get lost in life drama, so easy to forget that ‘I’ is the beginning of my own greatness – the greatness that lives inside me, the one that can shine a light on my journey. I am an individual. What does it mean to me to be an individual? Do I need to copy others to fit in? Do I need to listen to others to fit in? Who is the “creature” looking back at me from the mirror? If I look long enough at that creature, if I keep asking questions, then I may internally recognise this person and know it is not a stranger looking back at me, and that deep inside this creature is someone familiar. And if I decide to follow her, the true magic may happen. There will always be life drama, that’s how life is. There will always be people who will hurt us, take advantage of us, lie to us and would try to persuade us to get off our path – to forget the ability to live life in our own way. But life is too short and too precious to wonder in darkness, without knowing oneself, without knowing each other. So let’s open our eyes, let’s look properly at ourselves, let’s recognise and smile at who we are, let’s gather strength and follow the light to the people we are meant to be. I’m writing this with a big smile on my face. It took me ages to sit down and write something – to believe that I have a voice (a written one on that matter) which counts; that I have my own truth to share. I forgot how much joy it brings to my life. And with each written word, I find more and more strength. And in this short period of time I had a couple of ideas for new blogs and an entirely new story came to my heart. I’m going to follow it, hand in hand with myself. Sometimes people will tell you upsetting things. Things that will be based on their truth rooted in fear. But this is something they must process, not you. This is not your truth – it is theirs. Your truth lies deeply imbedded in your heart and soul. Nobody can tell you what it is. You have to find for yourself. So does my friend – he has to find that place from which he sent so much pain, and he needs to heal it – not for my sake, but his own. I found what I was looking for and I’m not only relieved but extremely happy. And I am ready to give it a go – to live my life in my own way. Are you?
I’m going to keep writing. There are so many words ready to be born on paper. I have so many stories to tell. My sister still loves my story, and so does my editor!!! So please, watch this space!!